I have a hard time with change. I have a really really hard time with change. On my mission I didn't have a problem with it, probably cause I knew that it was coming. With that being said when change takes place and you aren't expecting it to, it sucks like a vacuum. Either its really good or it well just sucks.
This past year has been filled with example of good change and change that I could've done without. 1)I got a promotion at work=good.
2) Favorite patient passing away=bad
3)having 3 patients die in one week=bad
4)getting new assignment at the temple=good
5)Helping people in a manner I didn't know=good
The change that I'm talking about I can't really talk about quite yet. Lets just say it was a curve ball that I wasn't expecting. My initial reaction was being hurt. I cried. I cried hard and long. Then after the hurt I was mad. I couldn't believe that this was getting taken away from me. My favorite thing ever was being snatched from underneath me. And then I sat back and thought. I turned off all my music all the outside things, and read an article on my phone (I know that sounds
As much as I don't want to admit this, I need to have this change. It just makes sense. Especially with what I'm trying to achieve in the future. I'm not mad anymore. I am actually really happy that this is happening... well I will be come a couple months from now. Here is why:
With starting school back up in the spring I am going to need more time during the week and on weekends to be able to focus and do good in school. I think on my mission, more so than before my mission, I learned to gain an appreciation of education. I think I was trying too hard before my mission to just go to school cause it was expected of me. I didn't know what I was wanting to do. I thought I did but in reality I wanted to do a little of everything. I knew that work would be my guide in letting me know what to do with my life. So when I worked at the different jobs while I was going through school I think it more or less just confused me and what I wanted to do.
Now that I'm home, have been, and I've been working at a good job the last year I have finally seen what I want to do. I am hoping for good things to come in the next little while this change that is going to be starting in the spring. I am hoping to better myself and help better others with the charge that I've been given.
So here's to change. Late nights with reading/studying/stressing/lack of sleep. But it will be all worth it. Because the Man upstairs knows what he is doing. And getting mad wastes too much energy that can be used seeing the good.
egnahc is not a bad thing
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
"They say that things just cannot grow...."
I have been having some really random and weird thoughts go through my head of late. Especially with the first MAJOR snowfall (I have only vocalized my complaint once by myself and about 4 times agreeing with other people). One of the biggest things that is on the forefront of my mind is this BLASTED quilt that I am trying to get done within the week. Which probably wont happen unless a quilting elf comes and helps me! Why is that on my mind... this is why:
This quilt is a remake of a family heirloom. The original quilt is about 5 generations old and was hashed in a care center when Willi's grandmother was in a care center before she passed away. As a gift to her mother she has been slaving over replicating this quilt for her mother. And this is not an easy quilt. It is more recognized as a traditional Hawaii quilt with some major echo stitching. She has commissioned me to hand quilt the stitching. It is a joy to do but I want it to be done! Not so that it is out of my hair but so that it is with Willi and her family.
Last week when I was working on this quilt while helping Madison babysit it made me think of the heirlooms that I have been given from my grandparents and people that have passed on. And it came up earlier this week talking to my mom, I think on Sunday it was.
If you were to walk into my room you would be confused as to how I can find anything in there. But I know where all the vital important things are. I know where ALL sets of scriptures are. I know where my journal of conference talks are. I know where all the books are. All the quilt supplies, etc. It just looks frightening. I'm working on not making it that way. That's beside the point though. The point is where do we really put our most precious items. I have two precious items ot me that are very valuable. Maybe three depending on how you look at it.
First: My Grandpa Zollinger's bible.
I was over at my grandma's house the week before I left on my mission and was talking to her. I spent hours over there when Grandpa was alive and I would always get teased by him. I get teased just the same by Grandma. The week before I left I think I spent one whole day with her. Just talking and reminiscing of so many stupid things that all three of us would do in the summer. When she would be told to get out of the kitchen while grandpa was making his chili and she was trying to make corn bread. Too many cooks in the kitchen. We got on the subject of Grandpa and his church calling and how he would always show up to the church, no matter what day of the week it was, dressed appropriately. One day he had a last minute meeting that he had to go to. He had been working in the yard so he wasn't wearing the best of clothes. He opens the hall door and swings his tie rack around and grabs a cowboy tie. Its a leather strap with what looks like a belt buckle to adjust the length of the tie. I looked at him and told him he needed to change cause he wasn't dressed to go to the church appropriately. He looks at me and laughs: "Monkey, as long as I'm wearing a tie, it will dress up anything that I'm wearing. " Grandma and I were laughing so hard we were almost laughing. She gets up and starts walking out of the room. She comes back quickly with a book in her hand. She puts it in my lap and says that Grandpa would've been proud of me going on a mission and would want to have this. I opened the zipper and realized that it was his Bible that he had used for years! What an awesome thing to get. I went home that day and sifted through that bible page by page. It was the best thing ever!!
Two: Queengies Book of Mormon.
Six months after I left on my mission I had to come home for immediate surgery on a gallbladder. I flew home on Christmas Eve. It was like a Christmas miracle to my family. I am not going to lie. I hated it! The family that we were teaching when I had to leave was getting baptized on Christmas. It was NOT a fun thing. I was able to call them on Christmas and talk to them so that was cool. BUT it just was not the same. My family picks me up from the airport and we go to Jan and Jimmy's for Stockton's first birthday party. That was hard. I was surrounded by babies, still set apart and couldn't hold one of them! :( it was horribly hard. We went home and the next day we went out to my Grandma Kidd's for a little bit of Christmas. Grandma had a sweet smile on her face and big ol' hug to give me when I got there. She knew I was having a hard time being home and wanted to help. Hence the hug. And it did help. She wrote on a notepad: "I hope this helps you even more". My Christmas present that year was my Great Grandma's Book of Mormon that she used when she and Grandpa McQueen were on their mission in Scotland. It was so neat to see all her notes and different things in the margin and glued into the spine. She told me that she would wake up early in the morning and hear the typewriter going with Queengie typing away putting her favorite quotes from the latest BYU devotional or ensign and then gluing them into the book. Those 10 days I was home from my mission I read that book in addition to my own book. To think that the names and the quotes on the side meant something to her. I wanted them to mean something to me.
Three: Stain glassed window.
One year while I was working up at the U with the football team, I was also working at the bookstore in the merchandise department. One day I received a gift from someone. I honestly have NO idea who it is from and how he knew where I worked but it got to me. It is a stain glass window of a Utah football helmet. That sums up the best 4 years of my life that I've spent doing something that I LOVE!! I created such strong friendships! Some of them have become stronger over the years, some weakened and then rekindled and some of them are just amazing memories! That is my own personal item that I hope to have become an heirloom 60 years down the road.
I want to pass on to my family ALL three items of mine that were given to me. All three represent hardwork, diligence, and passion. What better way to describe a stubborn scot/german zollinger/McQueen combination aye? A diligent hardworking passionate person? I submit that is NO better way to describe that wonderful combo!
"I still believe in summer days. The seasons always change and life will find a way"
Just cause the death happens in life (the December days) doesn't mean that traditions and passions can't go on. Those are the wonderful summer days of our life.
Over and Out!
This quilt is a remake of a family heirloom. The original quilt is about 5 generations old and was hashed in a care center when Willi's grandmother was in a care center before she passed away. As a gift to her mother she has been slaving over replicating this quilt for her mother. And this is not an easy quilt. It is more recognized as a traditional Hawaii quilt with some major echo stitching. She has commissioned me to hand quilt the stitching. It is a joy to do but I want it to be done! Not so that it is out of my hair but so that it is with Willi and her family.
Last week when I was working on this quilt while helping Madison babysit it made me think of the heirlooms that I have been given from my grandparents and people that have passed on. And it came up earlier this week talking to my mom, I think on Sunday it was.
If you were to walk into my room you would be confused as to how I can find anything in there. But I know where all the vital important things are. I know where ALL sets of scriptures are. I know where my journal of conference talks are. I know where all the books are. All the quilt supplies, etc. It just looks frightening. I'm working on not making it that way. That's beside the point though. The point is where do we really put our most precious items. I have two precious items ot me that are very valuable. Maybe three depending on how you look at it.
First: My Grandpa Zollinger's bible.
I was over at my grandma's house the week before I left on my mission and was talking to her. I spent hours over there when Grandpa was alive and I would always get teased by him. I get teased just the same by Grandma. The week before I left I think I spent one whole day with her. Just talking and reminiscing of so many stupid things that all three of us would do in the summer. When she would be told to get out of the kitchen while grandpa was making his chili and she was trying to make corn bread. Too many cooks in the kitchen. We got on the subject of Grandpa and his church calling and how he would always show up to the church, no matter what day of the week it was, dressed appropriately. One day he had a last minute meeting that he had to go to. He had been working in the yard so he wasn't wearing the best of clothes. He opens the hall door and swings his tie rack around and grabs a cowboy tie. Its a leather strap with what looks like a belt buckle to adjust the length of the tie. I looked at him and told him he needed to change cause he wasn't dressed to go to the church appropriately. He looks at me and laughs: "Monkey, as long as I'm wearing a tie, it will dress up anything that I'm wearing. " Grandma and I were laughing so hard we were almost laughing. She gets up and starts walking out of the room. She comes back quickly with a book in her hand. She puts it in my lap and says that Grandpa would've been proud of me going on a mission and would want to have this. I opened the zipper and realized that it was his Bible that he had used for years! What an awesome thing to get. I went home that day and sifted through that bible page by page. It was the best thing ever!!
Two: Queengies Book of Mormon.
Six months after I left on my mission I had to come home for immediate surgery on a gallbladder. I flew home on Christmas Eve. It was like a Christmas miracle to my family. I am not going to lie. I hated it! The family that we were teaching when I had to leave was getting baptized on Christmas. It was NOT a fun thing. I was able to call them on Christmas and talk to them so that was cool. BUT it just was not the same. My family picks me up from the airport and we go to Jan and Jimmy's for Stockton's first birthday party. That was hard. I was surrounded by babies, still set apart and couldn't hold one of them! :( it was horribly hard. We went home and the next day we went out to my Grandma Kidd's for a little bit of Christmas. Grandma had a sweet smile on her face and big ol' hug to give me when I got there. She knew I was having a hard time being home and wanted to help. Hence the hug. And it did help. She wrote on a notepad: "I hope this helps you even more". My Christmas present that year was my Great Grandma's Book of Mormon that she used when she and Grandpa McQueen were on their mission in Scotland. It was so neat to see all her notes and different things in the margin and glued into the spine. She told me that she would wake up early in the morning and hear the typewriter going with Queengie typing away putting her favorite quotes from the latest BYU devotional or ensign and then gluing them into the book. Those 10 days I was home from my mission I read that book in addition to my own book. To think that the names and the quotes on the side meant something to her. I wanted them to mean something to me.
Three: Stain glassed window.
One year while I was working up at the U with the football team, I was also working at the bookstore in the merchandise department. One day I received a gift from someone. I honestly have NO idea who it is from and how he knew where I worked but it got to me. It is a stain glass window of a Utah football helmet. That sums up the best 4 years of my life that I've spent doing something that I LOVE!! I created such strong friendships! Some of them have become stronger over the years, some weakened and then rekindled and some of them are just amazing memories! That is my own personal item that I hope to have become an heirloom 60 years down the road.
I want to pass on to my family ALL three items of mine that were given to me. All three represent hardwork, diligence, and passion. What better way to describe a stubborn scot/german zollinger/McQueen combination aye? A diligent hardworking passionate person? I submit that is NO better way to describe that wonderful combo!
"I still believe in summer days. The seasons always change and life will find a way"
Just cause the death happens in life (the December days) doesn't mean that traditions and passions can't go on. Those are the wonderful summer days of our life.
Over and Out!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
And now it begins.
I have made a lot of goals this year as I'm sure most of you have. I love this time of year for more than one reason. One of the specific reasons that I really enjoy this time of year is for reflection of the greatness of achieving those goals. Lets be honest. Most people haven't even come close to achieving their goals but I'm going to optimistic and think that most of you have. I came up with goals to achieve throughout the year not necessarily at the beginning of the year. I have written them down just not all in one place. The back of checks, sticky notes on my desk, pages of books that I'm reading, pages of my scriptures, back of pictures that trigger memories too tender to look at everyday. But the great thing is: I remember them all. So, the following is the compilation of the goals that I have set out to do in no specific order.
1-Learn to be happy with myself
2-Achieve for greater things then just the basics
3-Fall in love with a passion
4-Share that passion
5-Fall in love with idea
6-Fall in love with someone
7-Spread the gospel
8-Find a reason to smile everyday
9-Talk to Heavenly Father more then just your problems but for what you love
10-Spend time with the family
11-Spend time with yourself
12-Learn how to love more than what you are
13-Make strides to better those around you.
14-Better your ability to speak with people
I think I have missed a few. I will have to check in my random drawers at work and see what I find. Some of these I work on everyday and there are some that you can't. I am proud to say, however, that I have achieved most if not all of these things. Some of them took longer then others while some were painful to go through. Its one of the greatest things about this life. You get to choose how you respond to different things in life.
At the beginning of the year I had a discussion with a dear friend of mine. We were talking about the things that we were hoping to achieve in life this upcoming year. Most people don't know this but when I first came home from my mission I was horribly bitter. I didn't want to do anything, be with anyone, do anything, was rude to my immediate family (which makes me horribly sad) or do anything that involved teaching or going to church. I shared this experience with my friend, we will call her Iz. Iz was extremely shocked. She said I was a fabulous faker and had no idea that I was going through so many problems. Thanks to a wonderful Bishop I was really able to combat those problems by having me teach Relief Society and Sunday School. He also put my name up for working at the temple. I still had a testimony, that wasn't the problem, I just didn't think that I was worthy or was wanted at any of these things. The Bishop helped me understand that there was nothing wrong with me and it was just in my head and the adversary getting to me. So Iz and I started naming things that we wanted to achieve. I thought of all the possible things that I could think of that would help get rid of the bitterness and replace that with love and passion. I think I have achieved that. All of them.
I love spending time with myself and getting to know who I am now. I know how to approach people and talk to them. Some not in the most tactful way but that wasn't one of my goals :-). I have been able to be used as a confidant with friends around me and help them. I have fallen in love with someone, and still am. He just doesn't know it and won't for some time if ever. I have fallen in love with wonderful ideas and goals and I share them through work, temple attendance and talking to people. I have many passions and am not afraid to shout them from the mountain tops, football still being one of the highest ones. I spend time with the family but am working on that one daily. I am finally starting to really see myself as I need to see myself. Not as the world wants to see me. I am finally happy with what I have been able to do and what I will continue to do. I spread the gospel, one smile at a time. I heard a quote yesterday that was something along these lines: In a smile you can find love, light, passion, commitment, tenderness, kindness and most of the all, knowledge. A smile is a true sign of knowing the truth of the Gospel by knowing who you are and what you can do. A smile is the true sign of the happy-ness of the gospel.
Love the days you live and miss the days you don't.
1-Learn to be happy with myself
2-Achieve for greater things then just the basics
3-Fall in love with a passion
4-Share that passion
5-Fall in love with idea
6-Fall in love with someone
7-Spread the gospel
8-Find a reason to smile everyday
9-Talk to Heavenly Father more then just your problems but for what you love
10-Spend time with the family
11-Spend time with yourself
12-Learn how to love more than what you are
13-Make strides to better those around you.
14-Better your ability to speak with people
I think I have missed a few. I will have to check in my random drawers at work and see what I find. Some of these I work on everyday and there are some that you can't. I am proud to say, however, that I have achieved most if not all of these things. Some of them took longer then others while some were painful to go through. Its one of the greatest things about this life. You get to choose how you respond to different things in life.
At the beginning of the year I had a discussion with a dear friend of mine. We were talking about the things that we were hoping to achieve in life this upcoming year. Most people don't know this but when I first came home from my mission I was horribly bitter. I didn't want to do anything, be with anyone, do anything, was rude to my immediate family (which makes me horribly sad) or do anything that involved teaching or going to church. I shared this experience with my friend, we will call her Iz. Iz was extremely shocked. She said I was a fabulous faker and had no idea that I was going through so many problems. Thanks to a wonderful Bishop I was really able to combat those problems by having me teach Relief Society and Sunday School. He also put my name up for working at the temple. I still had a testimony, that wasn't the problem, I just didn't think that I was worthy or was wanted at any of these things. The Bishop helped me understand that there was nothing wrong with me and it was just in my head and the adversary getting to me. So Iz and I started naming things that we wanted to achieve. I thought of all the possible things that I could think of that would help get rid of the bitterness and replace that with love and passion. I think I have achieved that. All of them.
I love spending time with myself and getting to know who I am now. I know how to approach people and talk to them. Some not in the most tactful way but that wasn't one of my goals :-). I have been able to be used as a confidant with friends around me and help them. I have fallen in love with someone, and still am. He just doesn't know it and won't for some time if ever. I have fallen in love with wonderful ideas and goals and I share them through work, temple attendance and talking to people. I have many passions and am not afraid to shout them from the mountain tops, football still being one of the highest ones. I spend time with the family but am working on that one daily. I am finally starting to really see myself as I need to see myself. Not as the world wants to see me. I am finally happy with what I have been able to do and what I will continue to do. I spread the gospel, one smile at a time. I heard a quote yesterday that was something along these lines: In a smile you can find love, light, passion, commitment, tenderness, kindness and most of the all, knowledge. A smile is a true sign of knowing the truth of the Gospel by knowing who you are and what you can do. A smile is the true sign of the happy-ness of the gospel.
Love the days you live and miss the days you don't.
Heres to New Beginnings
I have been told more times than once that I should blog about the happenings of my life. Sometimes I think that is ridiculous. I don't want the World Wide Web to know all the things that go through my brain. Heck, sometimes I don't even want to know what's going through my mind or contemplate what really goes on in my life but I have no choice in that manner. So here is to trying something new.
No I'm not an English Major. No I don't have good grammar. But yes I do know how to have fun in life and I feel like I can make people laugh....
I decided to name the blog a Stitch in Time. Why? Well simple. I LOVE to quilt. And I do hand quilting. Its tiny little stitches that can make up a beautiful wonderful picture. Sometimes I feel like when I'm quilting time can stand still. Unless I'm watching football while I'm quilting. Then time goes WAY too fast and I prick my finger way too many times.
And why Time? Cause time is the most precious thing that we have in this life. With time comes responsibilities for what we do with it or don't do. Time is a vital thing that creates memories in life, good or bad.
Sometimes I wish we could live the simplicity life of Victorian ages with carriages, horses, buggies, calling cards, candles, balls and tea. And not to drink the tea but to have the designated time during the day to take a break and talk about the musings that has happened thus far in the day. I am on this historical fiction kick when it comes to books lately. I just love the simplicity that they had back in that day. My favorite thing about that time period is that not all of the families, due to financial problems, had clocks or time keepers in the home. So when a courter (yes they actually did court not just send a pigeon their way with a message of HEY C U L8R) would come to call on a lady they had a candle that they would light. Most of the time it was called a Courting Candle. The head of the house would light the candle and when the candle would run out of wick or to the metal holder, whichever came first, and then they would have to leave. I think that is the MOST creative way to keep a curfew. Not that I'm encouraging enforcing a curfew, especially if you are of a certain age, but it is remarkably entertaining.
Thinking about that specific way of life it makes me sad to reflect on how a lot of people live their life and see them not cherish the moments that come along to be grateful for the small things. The simple hello from a nice gentleman, sharing a joke with an older lady and sharing a crumpet with a friend.
Oh the joys of living in the day we do.
No I'm not an English Major. No I don't have good grammar. But yes I do know how to have fun in life and I feel like I can make people laugh....
I decided to name the blog a Stitch in Time. Why? Well simple. I LOVE to quilt. And I do hand quilting. Its tiny little stitches that can make up a beautiful wonderful picture. Sometimes I feel like when I'm quilting time can stand still. Unless I'm watching football while I'm quilting. Then time goes WAY too fast and I prick my finger way too many times.
And why Time? Cause time is the most precious thing that we have in this life. With time comes responsibilities for what we do with it or don't do. Time is a vital thing that creates memories in life, good or bad.
Sometimes I wish we could live the simplicity life of Victorian ages with carriages, horses, buggies, calling cards, candles, balls and tea. And not to drink the tea but to have the designated time during the day to take a break and talk about the musings that has happened thus far in the day. I am on this historical fiction kick when it comes to books lately. I just love the simplicity that they had back in that day. My favorite thing about that time period is that not all of the families, due to financial problems, had clocks or time keepers in the home. So when a courter (yes they actually did court not just send a pigeon their way with a message of HEY C U L8R) would come to call on a lady they had a candle that they would light. Most of the time it was called a Courting Candle. The head of the house would light the candle and when the candle would run out of wick or to the metal holder, whichever came first, and then they would have to leave. I think that is the MOST creative way to keep a curfew. Not that I'm encouraging enforcing a curfew, especially if you are of a certain age, but it is remarkably entertaining.
Thinking about that specific way of life it makes me sad to reflect on how a lot of people live their life and see them not cherish the moments that come along to be grateful for the small things. The simple hello from a nice gentleman, sharing a joke with an older lady and sharing a crumpet with a friend.
Oh the joys of living in the day we do.
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